In September 2008... I lost someone who meant the world to me. Someone who I could talk to about anything. She was my everything. Someone who was always there for me. My mom.
She died after a very long, hard battle with cancer.
She fought it for almost 5 years.
She died on her wedding day... an hour after her and my dad got married.
I was young, yeah. But I've always been really mature for my age. I knew what was going on.
I turned depressed. I had to go to councilling and I had to go to groups that would happen every 2 weeks, where a bunch of families that have lost a parent due to cancer, could go and try forget about what's happened for a few hours and just have a good time.
My dad doesn't get on with my moms family. They only talked for me and my siblings sake. Now that my moms gone, they don't talk... at all.
When my mom died, my family split apart completely.
I wouldn't even call it a "family" anymore being honest.
I found out my dad has a serious heart condition, but he refused to tell me and my siblings because he didn't want us worrying. But my cousin told me... One of the valves is blocked up. And if he gets put under stress he can have a heart attack. It's so scary being honest. I've already lost one parent... I don't know what I'd do if I lost another.
A year or two after my mom died, my dad got a girlfriend. That fucking tore me apart. To think he would do that in such a short amount of time annoyed me. No one gets on with her in my family. She's such a bitch, and I'm not just saying that.
I'm the crazy girl who acts like a total freak with my friends. Always laughing, and smiling.. But no one knows the real me. I always hide my pain with a stupid fake smile.
Recently I've started cutting. I know it's bad. But when I do it, I feel relief. I feel like the pain with cutting can overtake my REAL pain. I never feel good enough for anyone. I'm always so insecure and paranoid. I hate how I look. I hate my weight. I hate everything about me.
People say things about how I look sometimes... about my weight and stuff. It really gets to me. Tbh, I'm not even fat and I still get made fun off.
I hate how it's always me. Me that gets picked on. Me the one that has their most precious person took away from them. Me that gets treated like shit. Me that's insecure. I just hate... me.
Like most people, everyone has something that puts them in a good mood. For me? It's Justin Bieber. He seriously means everything to me. My family or friends don't understand how I feel about him. He's the only one that makes me smile these days. If I'm down, and listen to his music it makes me so freaking happy. It's so weird. Like I don't even know how he does it.
When people talk shit about him, I bitch them out. Even if it means getting bitched at myself. Which happens a lot.
I've did so much for Justin. Buy ALL his merch, got his concert tickets for My World, promote him non stop, try to meet or at least get noticed by him, and more..
I live in a very small country.
And when I say "small" I seriously mean, so fucking tiny. People here never get much opportunities.
Me? All I want is for Justin to read this. To let him know, that there's more beliebers out there like me. Who have been through hell, and he's the reason they're still smiling. That he's an inspiration for so many people, and literally... saves lives. That's all I want him to know.
This isn't so people feel sorry for me because I'm not writing it to get sympathy or attention. If I was attention seeking, I wouldn't of made a new account. I would of posted it on my real twitter. I would of told people my name. I would of told people my age and where I live.
But did I? No. So if you read this don't even THINK I want sympathy.
So please. Pass this around if you can. It would mean so much to me, and other beliebers who go through shit every fucking day but still manage to smile because of Justin.
Thank you guys, if you've even bothered to read this.
If you have, please let me know. It means a lot.
and Justin... if you read this? You're my idol, and I love you so much.
Rest in peace, mom.
~ Anonymous Belieber
